Ask Me Instead: When Advice Columnists Are Just Too Nice

My boyfriend and I have lived together for about 5 years. We have 2 children and we both work full-time. I am a good girlfriend, a good mother, and I love him - but he acts like I'm forcing him to be together! How should I deal with him? What should I say?
-Miserable

Dear Miserable,
I find that many women are afraid to confront their "miserable" mates because they are petrified of what they are going to hear. No one wants to hear that their partners want out. But the only way you are going to stop walking on eggshells is to make the decision to talk to your boyfriend tonight. Find out if he really has a problem with the relationship or perhaps himself. The usual path to misery comes from within - remember that and give yourself a break. I'm sure you are a great girlfriend and a fantastic mother. Don't forget it!

Okay, I was with the columnist until she said to find out what the problem really is. As has been stated, ad nauseum, many times before, men are simple, uncomplicated creatures. If he's acting like a jackass, and saying that he's being held hostage in the relationship, then he probably is. Let him go. Release him to whoever will take him. The Curbside Inn is always a lovely choice in any season. The "real problem" is that he's a passive-aggressive coward who doesn't want to break up with this woman because he probably feels guilt or obligation tying him down. So instead of doing the difficult but honorable thing by breaking up with her and smashing her heart into bits one good time, he's killing her inch by inch with indifference and in-her-face cruelty. If this is how he handles problems, then he's not good boyfriend material anyway. He needs to go. Now.

And Miserable, honey, don't ever in this lifetime cry over anything that isn't crying over you. That's what love should be about. I can also tell you, speaking from personal experience, that there's another woman someone in this trappedness. He will deny it and only say that he is speaking to a very good female friend, but you and I know better. Get a clue, and get a real man to raise your children with.