Basketball Wives Episode 304: "Susie Grows a Spine"

Susie is very soft-spoken, and she kind of rolled over for Evelyn last season, so I was kind of surprised to see her actually show some gumption this episode. She also proves herself to be a good friend. And for all the gloom and doom warnings from the Royce-Tami-Ashley camp, Jen and Evelyn haven't said BOO to Susie about having to choose anybody; that part of the convo has been pretty vocal and one-sided.

The show opens up with wannabe Ashley (who had opted out of formally being on the show, but seems to pop up everywhere) and Royce having brunch together waiting for Susie. Royce takes the opportunity to tell Ashley about her fight with Evelyn. She comments, "I'm not ghetto, but I'm hood." Huh? What the hell does that mean? If she's talking about her hair and her clothes (Royce is definitely one of the worst dressed reality-stars ever and most of the time the fit is not even flattering), I can totally see hood rat. As is usually the case, the conversation rolls around to Jen and Evelyn by the time Susie arrives, and she's not pleased. Susie is very tired of Royce always cracking on Jen and Evelyn, and honestly, I'm tired of it too and this episode has barely started. Give it a rest, already!

Susie plays Devil's Advocate and wants everybody to get along. Naturally, since Ashley spent last season cowering in everybody's shadow, especially since Jen put her in her place for the backstabbing she did to Jen's friend and outed her boyfriend's other girlfriends, she now feels big hiding behind Royce and wants to spout her opinion. Susie, however, is not feeling her at all. So then Royce starts in on Jen and how she puts out on the first date, but notes that "she [Evelyn] gotta do something to pay the bills." The scene ends with Royce saying that she just plain doesn't care. She doesn't want to be friends with Mean and Evil, but she's not running from them either.

In the meantime, Jen and Evelyn are having a spa day together, "just like a couple," Evelyn notes. For her part, Evelyn says that she is done and over with Royce, especially since Royce is so judgemental about Evelyn's boyfriend situations. "You've done things and you're walking around acting like you're Mother Mary, and you're not Mother Mary." Jen points out that Dwayne the Hanger-on has left the scene, and in the meantime, Royce has not let any moss grow on her kookus getting over him, with 3-4 boyfriends over the last 6 months. Evelyn snickers, "I guess we won't be baking cookies any time soon," referring to Royce's unfortunate attempt to combine ho with housewife and bake cookies for Dwayne in some very cheap-looking lingerie.

In the next scene, Jen and Susie are looking at wines, when Susie says that she has an awkward situation that she wants to discuss with Jen. It seems that Eric Williams, Jen's soon-to-be-ex, has been hitting her up about a business venture he wants to get into, and she wants to make sure Jen knows. Jen is not pleased, but then Susie suggests that they set Eric up to see what he wants. Jen is thankful that Susie told her instead of going behind her back, and they end up looking for two bottles of wine instead of just one.

Cut to Evelyn's apartment, where she and Shaniece are discussing Shaniece's impending graduation. Evelyn knows Shaniece is not a big party person, but she really wants to do it up big for her graduation. Shaniece has other plans -- she wants to go to a nightclub and get a booth, but surprisingly strict mother Evelyn puts the kibbosh on her 17-year-old daughter celebrating at d club. Shaniece reveals that she has talked to her father who is now in Miami, and may or may not come to graduation. She has also talked to Antwon Walker, Evelyn's ex, who was a father figure to her since she was six and wants to come to her graduation as well. Evelyn wonders what it will be like to have her ex-husband, her long-term ex, and her current all in the same room. "All your men," says Shaniece archly. Mee-yow!

Susie decides to meet with Meeka because she knows what it's like to be in the middle, and she thinks Meeka might be a good meeting place, so to speak, for the two groups. This is the first really dumb thought Susie has had this episode, so we'll forgive her the Pollyanna attitude. Meeka talks way too much to smooth things over with anybody. Susie then invites Meeka to the Polo Event and lets her know that she's going with Royce and Tami, but Jen and Evelyn are going and Meeka is welcome to go with them. Meeka is eager to be an official Basketball Wife and even more eager to roll with Evelyn, so she accepts the ticket.

Jen and Evelyn are discussing Shaniece's college plans over pizza. Evelyn doesn't want Shanice to go to Cali for school; she wants her to go in New York where she has family. She seems a little disgruntled that Shaniece wants to be warm, do yoga and be granola. Jen segues the conversation to having to go back to Jersey to finish up the divorce, and Evelyn is also going to New York to take care of some things. She casually asks about Eric, and Jen tells her that she saw him... when she was standing outside for Valet Parking. Not only does Eric know where she lives, but he's also her neighbor. In one of the biggest coincidences ever. For real. Cuz, uh, didn't he want to go back to Jersey where he knew people??? I hope there are stalking laws in Miami, Jen...

At long last comes Susie's meeting with Eric and his business partner Ernest. Instead of being a nice solid real estate deal, Eric has acquired a production company along with a faux-biz attitude. They would like Susie to star in a movie, which she's taken aback by, because she's not an actress. He reveals that he's got a part for Royce as well. Susie is barely comfortable in front of the Basketball Wives cameras, and she asks, "It's not a porno, is it?" Eric tells her that it isn't, but she will be nude. Susie insinuates that she is much too classy for a nude scene, but Eric points out that it's better than being nude on the Internet (ooh! Passive-aggressive stab at Jen!). Susie wants to make sure that this is not a way for him to get back at Jen, and he assures her that it isn't (yes it is). The erstwhile movie is about 5 women who get revenge on men by robbing successful businessmen, and Eric tells Susie she should have experience with that. She's confused -- how did she get revenge on her man? He says that she didn't walk out of her past relationship with Michael Olokowandi with nothing right? That's robbery, according to Eric. Susie remarks that she was with him for 10 years and asks Eric if he got robbed. He responds by saying that he got robbed for the past 10 years (ooh! another passive-aggressive stab at Jen!). Having made a couple of comments that Jen will surely hear about and see, he suddenly tires of talking about her and the meeting swiftly closes with Susie promising to think about it. NOT! She's convinced that Eric is shady and a little off his rocker. What clued you in, the horn trying to grow out of one side of his head?

Evelyn walks in from shopping at Gucci to find Shaniece depressed on the sofa, and even more depressed since Evelyn didn't buy her anything. She has 3 acceptance letters from East Coast colleges and rejections from California colleges. Evelyn tells her that maybe it's a sign. She gets emotional talking about her baby moving to the West Coast where she has no family, and Evelyn can't just zip there in an hour. She makes Shaniece promise to think about it, but judging by the look on Shaniece's face, she might settle for a community college in Podunk, CA, rather than going to school anywhere in the East.

Susie meets with Jen to update her on the Eric situation. She tells her about how he's trying to be show-biz, popping his collar, wearing his shades the whole time, etc. She also mentions Royce being offered a part and Eric telling her that she'll have a nude scene. She assures Jen that she has no interest in taking Eric up on his offer, and she does think he's trying to get back at Jen by going after her friends. Jen proclaims that the only interest she has is in his lawyer working things out with her lawyer. "I want the movie to be a hit; I'll take 50%." Right on, Jen!

The next time we see Susie, she is at the beach with Royce, who has but two topics of conversation at any given time: herself and Mean and Evil. She's commenting on how her butt is not as big as it used to be and tries to put a cup on it (Note to Royce: as small as your butt is in proportion to, say, Coco's, you have to be at least tall enough to get on the kiddie rides for that to work). Ashley rolls up with a ring from Rafer Alston, and she gets a little kidding from Susie. They ask her how he proposed, and she loftily says that while some people might want romance, she was happy because her kids were there. (Translation: once they got all the kids together in Chuck E. Cheese, he realized that he needed some backup and he'd better do it quick). Ashley teases Susie about maybe being invited, and so naturally, Royce turns the conversation over to Mean and Evil, who are going to hate on Ashley. Susie gets huffy immediately, as Royce explains to her that she needs to watch out for herself with those two, but Susie is less than impressed with Royce's analysis and says that she's not questioning Ashley's decision to marry Rafer even though he has hurt her in the past (ouch), and she's not even marrying Mean and Evil; she just wants to be friends (double ouch). Ashley rightfully points out that she didn't say anything about Mean and Evil, but yada yada, and if Susie brings up her marriage again she's going to be pissed. In the meantime, there's a small dog yapping in the background -- oh wait, that's Royce. Susie tells Ashley that she's going to get pissed too if this subject keeps getting brought up. She tells Royce basically to shut up about it, she's heard her opinion, and she doesn't care.

In preparation for the Polo Event, Meeka calls Jen and asks if she can roll with them since she was invited by Susie, who is going with Royce and Tami. Jen doesn't really understand why Meeka is calling her, but she's okay with her coming and tells her that they'll hash out the details later.

Susie decides to set the tone for peace by dressing up in a mish-mash of bohemian chic meets high-end boutique. Her Jerry-Garcia-meets-Pocahontas getup is supposed to inspire everyone to smoke on the peace pipe or take a toke on something else, so you know it's destined for failure. Royce in the meantime, is filling Tami in on the pertinent details of the fight she had with Evelyn and how Susie didn't have her back. There's a bit of foreshadowing as Tami tells Royce how disappointed she is in her for fighting. They all sit down for drinks on the boardwalk.

Meeka, Mean and Evil then make their way into the event and go straight for a shady spot near the horses. As they're walking, Meeka talks about how uncomfortable she is with everybody being there. As you will see later on, however, she gets a little too comfortable a little too quickly.

Back at the umbrella tables, Tami asks if Susie jumped up to help and Susie said it happened too quickly. Royce says she is still cool with Susie, but she knows that if she's getting jumped, she's going to get jumped. Let's be real, here: Susie Makepeace bruising her knuckles on somebody's jaw? You might be hood, but Susie is holding the hookah. Best to just give her some munchies and move on. Tami tells Royce that she at least has her back and takes one last dig at Susie before they decided to move on to the horses. She thinks Susie is giving Royce a raw deal by being friends with Mean and Evil, even though, hello!, Susie is here with Royce and herself.

As Meeka starts to have more drinks, her usual motor mouth is doing what it does best: stirs up mess. First, she tries to get Jen and Evelyn to talk smack about Susie for being in the middle. When neither of them takes the bait, she moves onto the subject of Royce, but they're not willing to go down that road either. No catfighting? No arguing? Not with Meeka and some Grey Goose around...

Tami et al decide to make their way to the beach to watch the game when they spy Jen, Meeka, and Evelyn. Tami barely says, "Let's not have any drama" to Jen when Meeka tells Tami, "Tami, you been drinking, baby?" Understandably, Tami is a little taken aback, because no she hasn't (yes she has), Meeka looks durned near flammable herself, and it really isn't Meeka's business. She asks Meeka if she's her mother and it's on an' popping from there. Meeka then upbraids Tami for being dramatic, which Tami denies. With some conviction, even. Meeka then says, "That's not the thing. Wait. That's not it," to which Tami tells her to get it right because that's her problem. Meeka decides to stand up like she's going to do something, even though the only thing standing between Tami's hand and Meeka's weave is Jen (Royce and Susie so do not count). Tami starts off with a few weak verbal jabs about how Meeka will never be in the circle, but hits paydirt when she discusses Meeka's girlcrush on Evelyn. Before she swings on her in front of all of the people who were previously sitting down but are now standing up, getting ready to start chanting, "Fight! Fight! Fight!" she leaves, warning Meeka that she'll end up with nobody but Speedy. Jen, in what has to be the understatement of the year, says, "I don't think Meeka has any idea what it means to be on Tami's bad side." Tami vows that if Meeka takes it there, she's going to finish it.

Tune in next week! Will Tami and Meeka have a nice sitdown together and smoke Susie's peace pipe? Will Ashley stay home with her kids for once? Will Eric start camping out in front of Jen's door? And most importantly, will Royce find a flattering hairstyle? I vote that she goes short and never, ever parts it down the middle in that weird butt-crack style... Lordie...